Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A. Childbirth.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A. So what's your question?
Q. How long is the average woman in labor? A. Whatever she says divided by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural? A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause headaches? A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college.
posted
Thanks for the REALLY funny post!!! My wife manages a Family Advocacy Center for the Navy in San Diego and she's says she's going to work it into a Boot Camp for New Moms that they're setting up.
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Posts: 350 | From: Chula Vista (San Diego), CA USA | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
Doesn't matter how many times I've seen or read that one ... I laugh every time .... and we don't have children!!
Posts: 4222 | From: Winnipeg MB CA | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
Great, I have one kid and two wives (1 ex) and this is very funny stuff. Some of it is actually true.
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Posts: 260 | From: Coral Springs, Florida | Registered: Dec 2000
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