I love em.
hahahaha...good ones...
and a few more:
Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?
Why don't blondes eat jello?
Because they can't figure out how to fit the two cups of water into that little package.
Why do blondes wear their hair in buns?
To hide the valve stem!
Why does a blond prefere a BMW over a Pontiac?
Because she can spell BMW
And last but not least....
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
She asked the shepherd, 'If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?' He replied Sure!'
Out of the blue, she blurts out, '352!'
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one. He looks at her and says, 'If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!'
How do you know that a blonde has been using your computer?
There's white out on the screen!
Dumbs are NOT Blonde!!!!!!
Teri 
aka GLDLOX
If Women Made the Rules...
Medical research money would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men.
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be considered "Macho".
The hem of men's pants would go up or down depending on the economy.
Men would be forced to purchase overpriced clothes every season.
Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey.
Fewer women would be dieting because the ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would come with papers showing their true identity, marital and employment status, if they live with their mother, and
whether they have had their shots.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
"Ms Magazine" would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
Men who designed women's shoes would be forced to wear them.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be as attentive AFTER marriage as they were before.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks".
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make.
Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: I'm sorry, I love you, You're beautiful, Of course you don't look fat in that outfit, Go to sleep - I'll take care of the baby, etc.
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.
Men would sit around and wonder what women are thinking.
Men would pay as much attention to their women as their cars. EDITORS NOTE: THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN
All toilet seats would be nailed down.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
Men would have their wedding rings permanently attached so they can't pretend to be single.
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year old boys.
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.
For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
A female employee would be noticed for her work performance, not her bra size.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
Things You'd Love To Say At Work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of $h!t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a d@mn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby, whiny-butt opinion would be...?
23. Do I look like a people person?
24. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
32. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
38. No, my powers can only be used for good.
39. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
40. Who me? I just wander from room to room
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell, and have them enjoy the trip.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If you think no one cares you are alive, try missing a few car payments.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
In God we Trust..all others pay cash.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness.
Never let a dog guard your lunch.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Trust in God, but lock your car.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
Tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Duct tape is like "the Force."... it has a light side…it has a dark side…and it holds the universe together.
Add the pythagorassmus theorem:
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
...can I get a whoooooooshhhhhh.....
