Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yeah, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "So, what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Men Bashing

Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two to show off and shake the stove.

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.