Subject: Corporate Toilet Policy

With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a
more consistent method of accounting for staff during working hours,
thus ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all. In
the future, the doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer
linked voice recognition devices, which can only be activated to open at
the sound of a person's voice. Staff must therefore immediately provide
management with two voice prints, one in a normal tone and one under
stress/desperation. The following rules shall apply:

1. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 22 toilet
trip credits which may be accumulated.

2. Once the employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the
toilet will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first working
day of the following month.

3. In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper roll
extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an
alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will
retracting the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open
automatically.

4. If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a
security camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board.

5. Anyone appearing three times will forfeit three months' toilet trip
credits.

6. Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo
counseling by a clinical psychologist.

7. Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any
injuries incurred while trying to stop the toilet paper from retracting
into the dispenser, or trying to keep the toilet door from opening.