quote:

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Thank goodness for church women with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the Water". The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus".

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off --let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurse downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge -Up Yours."

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Posted by Xsta Z 28 (Member # 740) on :
 
ROTFLMAO!!!

[ 18. June 2003, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: Xsta Z 28 ]
 

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Posted by ss_rs_z (Member # 1888) on :
 
Those postings are a little bit off the wall.........LOL.
 

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Posted by MaryandRalph (Member # 244) on :
 
Those are great!
 

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Posted by helloween (Member # 1506) on :
 
funny
 

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Posted by NATESS (Member # 982) on :
 
those are too funny. LOL
 

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Posted by 35TH ED/ed (Member # 1709) on :
 
Reminds me of a time in church they took up a special collection to put A/C in the multi purpose room for Bingo. The church proper came later
 

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Posted by BadRag (Member # 1566) on :
 
Some very funny stuff..
 

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Posted by DaddySS (Member # 848) on :
 

 

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Posted by poSSum (Member # 119) on :
 
Our church secretary uses those to fill up the bulletin on a regular occassion.

One of my favorites, from our very own bulletin

"Please pray for the missionaries in South America that were abducted by gorillas ."
 

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Posted by 2002Z4CSS (Member # 1393) on :
 
Funny!
 

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Posted by JohnS (Member # 1073) on :
 

 

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Posted by Showgun (Member # 1930) on :
 
Very funny
 

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