Some old, some new..... All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: ***************************** On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
***************************** On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
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There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
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"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
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From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
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"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
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Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
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"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
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"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
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And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the ! flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the ! runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful f! light. Now sit back and relax...
OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
[ 28. January 2004, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: KenC ]
Posted by CamaroSCG (Member # 1591) on :
Posted by 35th_camaro_ss (Member # 1738) on :
Thanks Ken, I got some good laughs picturing being there on the plane in those situations.
One flight I was on, as we landed in Kansas City, All we could see on left of plane out the window looked like a field and this woman let out a scream as we landed and everyone was staring at her and she thought we landed in the grass.
Al
Posted by 2K1SunsetSS (Member # 854) on :
While being delayed leaving Orlando one time the captain came over the PA and said ladies and gentleman we are experiencing a slight technical delay. An indicator light is showing that one of the baggage doors are open, we have been assured by our crew on the ground that the door is shut but we will have them double check because we are sure you don't want to see your luggage take a flight of it's own.
[ 29. January 2004, 12:12 AM: Message edited by: 2K1SunsetSS ]
Posted by ss_rs_z (Member # 1888) on :
ROFLMAO........... Posted by Hawkeye (Member # 88) on :
A nice morning smile Posted by 30thSSNerd (Member # 2155) on :
Posted by RagSS (Member # 1127) on :
...a good morning laugh Posted by 2002Z4CSS (Member # 1393) on :
Posted by danss98 (Member # 1994) on :
Read in the paper the other day,on a SouthWest airlines flight leaving Las Vegas. The flight attendant announced, Ennie meenie minne moe, find your seat it's time to go. 2 black women took offense and tried to sue the airline.
Posted by Mark IXZD 150 (Member # 235) on :
quote:Originally posted by danss98: Read in the paper the other day,on a SouthWest airlines flight leaving Las Vegas. The flight attendant announced, Ennie meenie minne moe, find your seat it's time to go. 2 black women took offense and tried to sue the airline.
What?! Why? Were they insulted by a another white person attempting to rap? I don't see how else they could have been offended by that.
Posted by Z28-SORR (Member # 1565) on :
It's becuase of the next line in the rhyme. Grab a (the "N" word) by the toe.
Posted by Mark IXZD 150 (Member # 235) on :
quote:Originally posted by Z28-SORR: It's becuase of the next line in the rhyme. Grab a (the "N" word) by the toe.
Hmmm.... I've never known that rhyme to have the 'N' word in it. If it did and they omitted that bad line, I don't see where anyone could be offended. I think they wre just after a buck! What if they had said the "Ring around the Rosie" rhyme and someone on the plane had a distant relative who died of the black plague in the middle ages. Could they sue too? Posted by wickman43 (Member # 2003) on :
funnnyyyy Posted by MM (Member # 1247) on :
Those are good... unfortunatley for those among us that do too much flying... I have noticed the few times I've flown southworst their flight attendants are pretty witty and quick with some funny one liners.... thats about all they have to offer.... On the normal guys I fly they keep it pretty clean....and always say the same thing.... they must be fem-bots?
Posted by Z28-SORR (Member # 1565) on :
quote: I've never known that rhyme to have the 'N' word in it.
You have to be an old fart like me. Every things been PC'ed now. Even the nursery rhymes are crap.
And of course it's money driven. It's the american way!
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