Do any of these sound familiar to you for YOUR city??
Driving in Dallas
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live south or north LBJ Freeway.
Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN"T!!!)
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators, and remember, its legal to be armed in Texas.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way, Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.
Posted by DadBoughtMyCar (Member # 2130) on :
we have very similar rules
1. You must learn to pronounce the name of the city. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-ston," and definitely not "How-ston." The street named San Felipe is pronounced "San fe-LEE-pay," not "San Fi-LEEP" or "San Fay-LEE-pee."
2. Forget any traffic rules you learned anywhere else. Houston has its own version of traffic rules. They are called "Hold On And Pray." There is no such thing as a high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with "Go down to Loop 610," which has no beginning and no end.
4. You have the East, Katy, Southwest, North, South, Northwest, and Eastex freeways, which are actually I-10 East, I-10 West, 59 North, 59 South, I-45 North, I-45 South, and 290, but not in that order. Your job is to figure out which one you really want to get on, without any signs to tell you. God help you if you are in the wrong lane, or you will go around Loop 610 again, which is an endless circle.
5. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic "a scenic drive." It is if you love seeing wrecks and people risking their lives changing tires, running through pot holes, slamming on your brakes to avoid a collision, having people cut you off, seeing alot of people's middle fingers, and exhaust fumes.
6. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. The noon-hour rush is 11:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The evening rush hour is 2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., sometimes 9:00 p.m. (or 3 a.m. during floods, which we call "ponding"). The teenagers take the streets from 9:00 p.m. through 5:00 a.m., and Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you WILL be rear ended, or at least cussed out, and/or possibly shot. When you are the first off the starting line, count to 5 before moving when the light turns green, to avoid being "T-boned" by crossing traffic.
8. Construction on every freeway, loop, and tollway in the city is a permanent form of entertainment as well as a source of delays.
9. Kuykendahl Road can be pronounced ONLY by a native Houstonian. (It is pronounced "Kirk-n-doll.")
10. All unexplained smells are accompanied by the phrase "Oh, we must be near Pasadena."
11. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect and should be ignored.
12. All Suburbans have the right-of-way, unless you are driving an 18-wheeler or perhaps a Bradley tank.
13. The minimum acceptable speed limit on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Otherwise, you will be stopped by Houston's Finest for impeding the flow of traffic.
14. The wrought-iron bars on windows in East Houston are NOT ornamental.
15. Never look at the driver of a car with a bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
16. If you are in the left lane, and going only 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, the people who are passing you are not really waving at you.
17. If it is 100 degrees outside, then January 1st must be next weekend.
18. The Sam Houston Toll Road is Houston's daily version of a NASCAR race.
19. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to the state of Louisiana.
20. Don't get on Main Street unless you really WANT to be on Main Street. Left turns and right turns are not allowed between the South Loop and Dallas (that's Dallas, Texas, not Dallas Street).
21. Don't get sick or injured. There are no parking spaces in the Texas Medical Center for anyone but doctors.
22. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off the freeways. Just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify the Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built in the first place.
Y'ALL ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HOUSTON, AND COME BACK REAL SOON NOW, Y'HEAR?
Posted by Xsta Z 28 (Member # 740) on :
I've had the joy of driving my Camaro in TX - Frightning. . . . Glad I got home in one piece.
Posted by Old Coyote (Member # 1343) on :
quote:Originally posted by cytruffle: All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"
Uh oh ......... the Tarrant county boys are gonna get you for that one
Y'all just live in the wrong end of the state ............... you need to go west, southwest, or northwest ............ where peace & calm prevail (snicker, chortle, choke) ......... can't believe I said that Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by Xsta Z 28: I've had the joy of driving my Camaro in TX - Frightning. . . . Glad I got home in one piece.
...and I thought the Chicago drivers were insane last year!! I did not see a dent-free car the whole time I was there! LOL!
quote:Originally posted by Old Coyote: you need to go west, southwest, or northwest ............ where peace & calm prevail (snicker, chortle, choke) ......... can't believe I said that
You mean out there close to Amarillo?? Where they eat road kill and don't wear shoes?? Posted by 35TH ED/ed (Member # 1709) on :
Thank Heaven I plan my trips through the 2 cities in the middle of the night Posted by Z28-SORR (Member # 1565) on :
Dont know if it's changed but Chicago had it's own set of rules. Used to be you NEVER ran a red light in down town Chicago. If you were first at the red, the cabbie behind you was blowing his horn and moving when the yellow for the cross traffic light came on. Don't know how many times i've been tagged by the city busses. Usually no one stopped, just took your hit and kept going. Just part of daily life in the city.
Posted by Old Coyote (Member # 1343) on :
quote:Originally posted by cytruffle: You mean out there close to Amarillo?? Where they eat road kill and don't wear shoes??
I thought it was "married road kill" and .......... nevermind about the shoes, don't even get me started
[ 05. February 2004, 03:53 PM: Message edited by: Old Coyote ]
Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by Old Coyote: I thought it was "married road kill" and .......... nevermind about the shoes, don't even get me started
You're so lucky.....I think NC is outta his range....
quote:Originally posted by 35TH ED/ed: Thank Heaven I plan my trips through the 2 cities in the middle of the night
Yeah.....that way you don't get run over....you just get shot!!
(See why I like Chicago & Detriot so much?? Feels like home! )
[ 05. February 2004, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: cytruffle ]
Posted by Elie Garfinkel (Member # 1635) on :
LMAO! Driving in Toronto: 1. Toronto is where people from all over the world come in order to learn how to drive in snow and ice - during rush hour. 2. Toronto is where you play "chicken" with the red light cameras (Now which intersections are they at this month?!?)and hope that a surprise ticket doen't arrive in the mail! 3. Toronto is where all the slowpokes drive in the outside lane at the speed limit, or 5-10 mph UNDER it. If you really wanna make time, you gotta drive in the INSIDE lane! 4. Toronto is where it is now illegal if you DON'T yield to a bus that is pulling into traffic! 5. Toronto is where using your horn is a real alternative to using your brakes. 6. Toronto is where pedestrians who venture forth on downtown streets must have collision insurance to protect them from all the lunatic bicycle couriers! 7. Toronto is where a referendum mandating all bicycle couriers to wear bull's eye targets on their backs was narrowly defeated! 8. Toronto is where drivers play there own version of Russian Roulette by driving on streetcar tracks! 9. Toronto is where motorists pay 14 cents/KM to sit in a traffic jam (Hwy. 407) 10. Toronto is where the provincial government is considering lowering the speed limit to 25 km/hr. down from 100 km/hr.(on Hwy. 407) because the consortium that owns the highway gave the government the middle finger when told NOT they couldn't raise the toll - but went ahead and did it anyway!! 11. Toronto is where people think that just because they drive a big, heavy SUV with 4-wheel drive, it's still OK to drive 50 MPH in a 30 zone when the streets are covered in snow, because, "Heck, with all this traction, this sucker's gotta be able to stop on a dime too!!" (Must be those people from all over the world learning to drive here in the ice and snow! )
Best regardSS,
Elie
Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by Elie Garfinkel: LMAO! Driving in Toronto: 1. Toronto is where people from all over the world come in order to learn how to drive in snow and ice - during rush hour.
oooooo!! Now THAT sounds like fun!!
<---------has never driven on snow, much less ice....school is always OUT! Posted by DadBoughtMyCar (Member # 2130) on :
lol on the rare occasion we do get "snow" school stops to let everyone go play in it...too bad it melts before it even hits the ground Posted by fenton23 (Member # 878) on :
I'm in Austin, Tx.
It's pronunced OZ-TUN, pretty much universally.
15 years ago everyone was from Texas and things weren't too bad. That was with 400K people.
Today...1 million plus people. 40% are original residents (or thereabouts..just so I can be included in it), 15% are from Southern California, 15% are from Northern California, 10%are from Minnesota (thanks 3M), 10% are from India, the other 10% are "undocumented" but soon to have all the US citizen privileges that the rest of us do.
THERE ARE NO RULES!!!!
Nothing against any of the groups mentioned here. They're only mentioned to illustrate that there is NO common driving culture, or rules.
If only SLP would offer some options in 50mm caliber. (J/K!!!)
Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by fenton23: I'm in Austin, Tx.
40% are original residents; 10% are "undocumented"
.....um.....methinks you got that backasswards, sugarz.....if the public schools are any indication.....
so....how's MoPac these days?? Posted by DadBoughtMyCar (Member # 2130) on :
i've never driven in austin but just being a passenger scares me!
Posted by 35TH ED/ed (Member # 1709) on :
Question .
Do you play "Golf" down there.....
2 lanes=1 par road 3 lanes=2 par road 4 lanes=3 par road
.....and so on Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by 35TH ED/ed: Question .
Do you play "Golf" down there.....
2 lanes=1 par road 3 lanes=2 par road 4 lanes=3 par road
.....and so on
....don't think so....is that a Michigan thing?? pls explain! Posted by CamaroSCG (Member # 1591) on :
Driver identification
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO * One hand on wheel, middle finger out window: NEW YORK * One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY * One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON * One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES * Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: OHIO, but driving in CALIFORNIA * Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY * One hand on 12oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE * One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS * Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: OKLAHOMA * Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA * One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: ARKANSAS
Posted by 35TH ED/ed (Member # 1709) on :
quote:Originally posted by cytruffle:
quote:Originally posted by 35TH ED/ed: Question .
Do you play "Golf" down there.....
2 lanes=1 par road 3 lanes=2 par road 4 lanes=3 par road
.....and so on
....don't think so....is that a Michigan thing?? pls explain!
Depending on the available lanes "IN YOUR DIRECTION". You start at one side and travel as quick as you can to the opposite side of the E-way Without being stopped by another vehicle Like when you realize that you are about to miss your exit. If you make it you made Par
Edit That is making sure you don't get "Tagged" by someone
[ 06. February 2004, 02:26 PM: Message edited by: 35TH ED/ed ]
Posted by Old Coyote (Member # 1343) on :
quote:Originally posted by CamaroSCG: Driver identification
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO * One hand on wheel, middle finger out window: NEW YORK * One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY * One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON * One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES * Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: OHIO, but driving in CALIFORNIA * Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY * One hand on 12oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE * One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS * Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: OKLAHOMA * Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA * One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: ARKANSAS
good ones .............. can't argue with any of them Posted by cytruffle (Member # 1733) on :
quote:Originally posted by 35TH ED/ed: Depending on the available lanes "IN YOUR DIRECTION". You start at one side and travel as quick as you can to the opposite side of the E-way Without being stopped by another vehicle Like when you realize that you are about to miss your exit. If you make it you made Par
Edit That is making sure you don't get "Tagged" by someone
Oooooo cool!! I'll have to count the lanes on this one stretch that I go across every morning....it may be 5 lanes....not sure....FUN!
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Glad I got home in one piece. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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