posted
>Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 3 A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 4 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 5 Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 8 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.<
-------------------- Hawkeye: SSOA F98-C98
1998 SS - Black All Options - Mods Whisper Lid, K & N, Lou's Short Stick, Shift Light, Skip Shift, SLP Y, Borla, 4:10's, BMR STB, SLP SFCs, Granatelli MAF, Hypertech III, 160 Stat, Mallory Billet Pedals, Metco Aluminum LCAs,Fast Toys Ram Air Mod, Spohn Panhard Bar, BMR Torque Arm, free EGR mod,power antenna, BMR LCA brackets, Gentex Temp/Compass Auto Dim Mirror, AllMaxx Strobe and Wig Wag, BAER Eradispeed rotors,PPC Headers with Random Technology Hi Flow Cats, BMR Drive shaft Loop,FAST 78MM Throttle Body, FAST 78MM Composite Intake, Mobil 1 & lots of Zaino.
Wife & Best Friend Mary - copilot. Posts: 5558 | From: Windsor, Ontario. Canada | Registered: Feb 2000
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A man walked into a bank and demanded all the money in the bank. He left when the teller told him he needed to have ana ccount at this bank in order to rob it. The Police cought him 30 minutes later.
-------------------- 1999 Trans Am - Pewter, A4, 3.23's
Stock for now
Posts: 471 | From: Justin, in the Great State, Texas | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Well someone broke my drivers window out in my SS and ransacked the interior looking for the wheel lock (they were trying to steal my wheels, I know the plastic caps were off etc..), both glove boxes scattered everywhere. Had the thief looked I had the wheel lock in the Door in a bag no less.
I have since hidden it my wheel lock.
Doug
Posts: 1031 | From: Germantown, MD USA | Registered: Feb 2000
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quote:Originally posted by DanA_F99_1977: Did you hear the one about the guy who left ramps in his garage near.....never mind.
How does it go?? Duckin and runnin?
All Right - All Right - I know where you live and when you won't be there!!
You'll get yours pal - Oh and by the way - Mary was more upset than I about the SS. I have done about a 90% repair job myself and with some wetsand or compound I should be able to finish the job.
Cya.
-------------------- Hawkeye: SSOA F98-C98
1998 SS - Black All Options - Mods Whisper Lid, K & N, Lou's Short Stick, Shift Light, Skip Shift, SLP Y, Borla, 4:10's, BMR STB, SLP SFCs, Granatelli MAF, Hypertech III, 160 Stat, Mallory Billet Pedals, Metco Aluminum LCAs,Fast Toys Ram Air Mod, Spohn Panhard Bar, BMR Torque Arm, free EGR mod,power antenna, BMR LCA brackets, Gentex Temp/Compass Auto Dim Mirror, AllMaxx Strobe and Wig Wag, BAER Eradispeed rotors,PPC Headers with Random Technology Hi Flow Cats, BMR Drive shaft Loop,FAST 78MM Throttle Body, FAST 78MM Composite Intake, Mobil 1 & lots of Zaino.
posted
Great posts, really brightens my day to read them. The one that finished up dukin and runnin really cracked me up.
-------------------- If your going to drink and drive turn up the radio, so you won't hear the crash Posts: 80 | From: Cooper,TX USA | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
Hawkeye, with your being in medical school maybe you can shed some light on the subject. A few years ago there were several transplants of baboon hearts into humans. This was publicized extensively.
Now for several years I have seen other motorists that must have gotten the brains, why did the medical profession fail to advertise this major accomplishment.
-------------------- If your going to drink and drive turn up the radio, so you won't hear the crash
Posts: 80 | From: Cooper,TX USA | Registered: Feb 2001
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quote:Originally posted by Hawkeye: All Right - All Right - I know where you live and when you won't be there!!
You'll get yours pal - Oh and by the way - Mary was more upset than I about the SS. I have done about a 90% repair job myself and with some wetsand or compound I should be able to finish the job.
Cya.
I had no doubt you woul get it fixed up quick!! I can imagine how Mary felt. With the guys working on my house putting stuff in the garage, Grace is very nervous and watches them like a hawk (!) when they are in the garage. She keeps telling them, do not go anywhere near that car. Meanwhile, out in the driveway, they are backing the little dumpsters they have down the dirveway next to the Z06. Even Grace knows which one is the one I will get most upset about!
Posts: 5946 | From: Litchfield, NH, USA | Registered: Feb 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Doug 97SS #1499: Well someone broke my drivers window out in my SS and ransacked the interior looking for the wheel lock (they were trying to steal my wheels, I know the plastic caps were off etc..), both glove boxes scattered everywhere. Had the thief looked I had the wheel lock in the Door in a bag no less.
I have since hidden it my wheel lock.
Doug
Don't bother. All the wheel locks are the same. Mine works my 99, wife's 98, friend's 2000. Go figure.
posted
Grumpy's right, we did an experiment when I was in Va. One wheel lock fit all but one car.
Posts: 5946 | From: Litchfield, NH, USA | Registered: Feb 2000
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