Topic: It's long, but if you like NASCAR, and know the drivers
westell
Hey, could someone hand me a fire extinguisher?
Member # 2034
posted
It's pretty long, but I thought it was funny, especially if you follow NASCAR and know the drivers pretty well.
Instructor: This week I've decided to combine classes to save a little time and so I can hand out this week's Most Improved Attitude awards -- as voted on by your peers.
J. Gordon: Mr... What are we calling you today?
Instructor: Mr. Instructor will do fine.
J. Gordon: Mr. Instructor, I'd like to change seats.
Instructor: Why?
J. Gordon: Busch keeps kicking the back of my chair.
Kurt: I did not!
R. Gordon: I saw you do it.
Instructor: Kurt, quit kicking the back of Jeff's chair.
Kurt: Fine. But I didn't do anything wrong.
Harvick: Of course not, Rubberhead. You're on probation for being generally annoying, not because you did anything wrong.
Instructor: Gentlemen, I mean it. Play nice or else. Now. I want to hand out the Most Improved Attitude awards for this weekend. First, is Elliot Sadler for his show of restraint -- no helmet throwing or ambulance abuse. Congratulations, Elliot.
All: smattering of applause.
E. Sadler: Thank you, Sir. I remained calm, did the deep breathing... and reminded myself it was just one of those racin' deals.
Kurt: They're all racin' deals.
Jimmy Spencer: (puts hands over mouth and mumbles something)
Instructor: That was pretty good, Jimmy. Next time, try not mumbling at all.
Jimmy: Yes, Sir.
Instructor: Now, second runner up was Ward Burton for not throwing his booties,running up onto the track, or wishing to shoot at someone.
All: (smattering of applause)
W. Burton: Thank you, everybody. I accept this award on behalf of my team, my family, and my sponsor.
M. Waltrip: Hey, Ward... you want to race one of your Caterpillars against one of the lawn mowers from Aaron's?
Tony Stewart: Where is Wallace, Johnson, and everybody else?
Instructor: Sponsor events. They applied for time off.
Tony: How do I do that?
Instructor: Contact my office tomorrow... but it must be a legitimate excuse.
M. Waltrip: Trust me, Smoke. They told me that taking Macy to school wasn't a good enough excuse. Make it a good one!
J. Gordon: I swear, Busch, if you kick the back of my seat one more time...
Kurt: What did I do now?
Dale Jr.: It's true, Mr. Instructor, I saw him do it this time, too.
R. Gordon: Me, too. And, being on probation, you'd think you'd behave yourself, Busch.
J. Gordon: I am having a back week, boy, and you are pushing my buttons...
Kurt: Aww... well, too bad. I'm sorry some chick you dumped is airing out your dirty laundry.
J. Gordon: You arrogant little...
Kurt: What are you going to do, punch me? Come on... manage that anger!
J. Gordon: He kicked my chair again!
Instructor: Boys... that's enough. Kurt, go stand in the corner.
Kurt: What?
R. Gordon: It's that little angle over there in the wall.
Harvick: Robby, hush, before you get sent to the big red trailer. It's no fun in there, remember?
R. Gordon: Thanks for getting my back, Happy.
Harvick: Just remember that, okay?
Kurt: I'm not going over there.
Instructor: One, two...
Kurt: What am I, three years old?
Instructor: Three...
Dale Jr.: On behalf of the class, Olive Oyl, you do not want us to answer that question.
Kurt: Did you hear that, Mr. Instructor?
Instructor: If I get to five, it will cost you $5,000.
Kurt: (stands in the corner)
Instructor: Good compliance, Kurt.
R. Gordon: How's the view from Time Out?
M. Waltrip: It's probably not very fun over there. Kurt, if you learn to play nice, you can have fun every day and get all your dream appliances at Aaron's.
Tony Stewart: Are we going to get on with class, or am I wasting my time again?
Dale Jr.: Dude, chill. If we all sit here, act all nice and smile, we can all go back to bed.
Tony: Jr. it's 10 a.m.
Dale Jr.: Exactly.
Biffle: I did my homework.
Harvick: Hey, Biffle, shut up. I only have an hour before I'm on the Hot Seat on Inside Winston Cup.
M. Waltrip: You are? I thought Jimmy was coming.
Jimmy: My lawyers won't let me.
Harvick: See?
M. Waltrip: I still don't know. I thought it was Bootie Barker today.
Harvick: Oh. Maybe I should check my schedule.
M. Waltrip: Well, come on over, Happy. You can watch me spin around in my chair.
Marlin: Can I say something?
Instructor: Yes, Sterling. What's on your mind?
Marlin: I think Jimmy should have hit Kurt harder.
Instructor: So you said.
Kurt: (voice muffled by wall) Hey!
Instructor: I said, no talking in Time Out. That's five more minutes.
Kurt: But...
Instructor: Ten.
Kurt: But...
R. Gordon: Somebody call the WAAAMBULANCE!
Instructor: Robby, that could be considered taunting.
R. Gordon: Really? All these years and I thought I was just being funny.
Dale Jr.: Can we define 'taunting' please? I don't want to get into no trouble chasing my championship and all.
Jimmy: Taunting is when someone says, "Come on you old has been... do something about it!" A mistake is when you do something about it involving fists.
M. Waltrip: Tell me about it.
Instructor: It's good that you see this, Jimmy.
Dale Jr.: Please define taunting.
Instructor: I don't think we're going to do that today, Jr. Today we are going to talk about respect.
Biffle: R-E-S-P-E-C-T?
Harvick: Find out what it means to me...
Tony Stewart: It means you give a little and little punks don't take a lot.
Instructor: Yes, that's true...
Dale Jr.: It means knowing why you should have awe and respect at certain tracks...
W. Burton: and why you don't throw booties...
E. Sadler: or helmets!
Jimmy: or fists...
M. Waltrip: and always use NAPA parts!
Dale Jr: Dude, not in here. Didn't you read the sign that said, "check your sponsor at the door." ?
M. Waltrip: Sorry. It just comes out sometimes. Sorry, everybody. Make sure and watch me on IWC tonight, though.
E. Sadler: No problem, Mikey. I'll check it out after I eat a couple of bologna burgers for dinner tonight.
Instructor: Ahem... respect is...
Biffle: acknowledging that some of the more experienced drivers actually know what they're talking about.
Jimmy: Amen!
W. Burton: Thank you, Greg.
R. Gordon: Kiss up!
Instructor: Respect, Robby, or you can go join Kurt in the corner.
R. Gordon: How long has he been in there anyway?
J. Gordon: Not long enough.
Instructor: Shh... I forgot to set the timer.
Kurt: I heard that!
Instructor: Respect is....
Harvick: Respect is learning to keep your mouth shut.
Dale Jr.: Respect is knowing you are entitled to your feelings but...
Jimmy: but you can't always express them to others...at least not with fists.
Harvick: Or on the radio where everyone else, including NASCAR is listening Moron...
Jimmy: Are you calling me a moron?
Harvick: (lowers voice) NO. The moron was implied to Rubberhead.
Jimmy: Ok...
Instructor: Respect is...
M. Waltrip: Drama on TNT?
Dale Jr.: I forgot the restrictor plate, so you're gonna have to keep your mouth shut.
M. Waltrip: Ok. I'll try.
E. Sadler: Drama is burning the bologna burgers...
W. Burton: Drama is throwing your booties at Dale Jr.
Dale Jr.: Drama is having to sit in this class when I could be sleeping.
Biffle: Drama is...
Instructor: Drama is trying to teach you klunk heads anger management!!
J. Gordon: Did you just yell at us?
Tony Stewart: In anger management class?
Harvick: I don't know about you guys, but I think Mr. Helton-Instructor needs to join Rubberhead in the corner.
W. Burton: I second that.
Dale Jr.: Sorry, dude, but you have to lead by example.
Instructor: Fine. I'm sorry, gentlemen. Move over Kurt.
Kurt: There's not enough room.
Instructor: Shut up, or I'll make you stand here during the Darlington race.
Kurt: You wouldn't dare!
Instructor: I don't hit with fists. I hit with fines, probation and points deductions.
Tony Stewart: (whispers) Let's go guys, while the gettin's good!
W. Burton: Robby, this means you have to be extra quiet and tip toe out. Do you understand?
R. Gordon: No disrespect, but could someone tell me what he just said?
Dale Jr.: He said, shut up and let's sneak out.
R. Gordon: Oh. Can we do that?
Tony Stewart: Yeah. Elliot's cooking bologna burgers at his place. We're all invited.
Biffle: That would be great. I'm hungry.
Harvick: You're always hungry.
J. Gordon: Are we sneaking out of here or what?
Dale Jr: Yes... let's go now before the Instructor forgets he forgot to set his timer...
and no one knows how long the Instructor and Busch stood in the corner that day... _________________
posted
That's great. Who wrote that? Boy, it really smacks of all their true personalities! Posts: 502 | From: Fort Mill, South Carolina....Charlotte | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Yep .............. that just about defines it all Posts: 655 | From: North Carolina ... the land of Possum & Dumplings | Registered: Jan 2002
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westell
Hey, could someone hand me a fire extinguisher?
Member # 2034
posted
wish i could take credit, but author is unknown.
is there some kind of award for the longest topic post ? Posts: 161 | From: Houston, Texas | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
That was great. I agree it sounds like thier personalities.
Now go #5 (Terry Labonte). I like #6(Mark Martin) as well even tho he dives a ford but he started his career driving Camaros. I guess we all have our favorites. Mine just aren't really popular.
Posts: 28 | From: Belchertown, MA | Registered: Jun 2003
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